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Articles

by Rusty Stewart, Ph.D.

Much of our western view has emphasized what is wrong with us (pathology) and what we need to abstain from. This creates conflicting energies and often times, denies our humanness. We also need to be more careful how we diagnose and label people. It does not serve them if it creates more guilt and shame. It is how we value events, behaviors, and personalities that many times stigmatize people into corners where their wholeness becomes compromised. We cannot heal until we can accept everything about ourselves. That doesn't mean I condone the continuance the self-damaging events and behaviors. However, it does mean that there are parts of us that need to be nurtured and brought into balance. Abstaining from our humanness and putting judgments on certain natural organic human behaviors will leave one incomplete and fragmented. Living a life of damage control limits who we are and who we can become. It essentially leaves us less than whole, lost, and unfulfilled. There are parts of us that are essential to embrace to become whole!

This leads us into many questions surrounding morality and what is right and wrong. What is healthy vs. unhealthy? Who makes these determinations? When do we choose to follow the advice of a “professional” and when do we choose to follow the voice of our intuition and our heart? And if our intuition and our heart are conflicted with a counselor's suggestions based on their training and research what do we do? I say follow your heart and intuition! There are many theories, modalities, research, and recovery models out there that I disagree with. Why? Because anything that creates the experience of judgment, condemnation, limitedness, morality, fragmentation, and feeling diminished is not going to help me heal or facilitate bringing wholeness into my life.

Some of the more popular judgments we make surround money, sex, religion, etc. For the purposes of this article I will focus on sex and sex addiction. Sex addiction is different than other forms of addiction. With addictions to substances and other unhealthy behaviors one can healthily practice abstinence. Food, sex, and love addiction are different because they involve our organic humanness. We have to find balance, and, at the same time allow ourselves to be with the energy of desire since desire is one of the key elements to tapping into the Christ Consciousness of co-creating, and re-remembering our perfect wholeness. In “The Way Of Mastery”, Jeshua talks about The Way Of The Heart as critical in attaining mastery. The Keys To The Kingdom include: desire, intention, allowance, and surrender. Once these keys are experienced more and more in our lives, we need to understand the importance of practicing humility. Being and owning the Christ within requires humility! Notice there is no mention of denying anything.

Our culture has always had a fragmented relationship with sex. Sex is not bad. Sex is neutral. It is our interpretation of sex that gets in the way. We need to talk more openly about sex and our desires. We need to heal all the guilt and shame associated with sex. We are sexual beings! Being uninhibited with your partner, experimenting, and exploring openly is not bad. It can be very healing and pleasurable. There is nothing wrong with pleasure. We are worthy of love, fun, play, and sensual and sexual pleasure. If it is not hurting us or someone else then go for it! Sexual addiction and acting out in different ways many times is the result of repression and the denial of our sexual selves. There are times we have to heal these unhealthy ways of experiencing sex, but abstinence is not the answer. This only reinforces repression, deprivation, and the triggering and wanting to act out. What gets repressed must find a way out! The answer lies in exploring and working with the energies in non-judgmental ways with an open-minded and available partner. Remember sexual energy will not go away! We all must learn to work with it in healthy ways. Other ways may be Taoist sexual energy practices, or Tantric Yoga, or Kundalini Yoga, etc.

In closing, I encourage all of you to open-up and release any pent up feelings surrounding sex, your sexuality, and judgments. Read “The Way Of Mastery.” You can purchase it online from the Shanti Christo Foundation. Take the Essential Experience Workshop (www.ee.org). Join a group, start a group. Find people in your life where it is safe to discuss intimate details about sex. Start a listserve. Once again sex is just one of the forbidden subjects. Money, religion, and politics are others. Anything we have fear, shame, and guilt about needs to be released and discussed with other people. Therapy is a start, but it is not enough. We are social beings and we heal in community with others. Don't you think it's time to start healing today?

Personal Growth Alternatives Newsletter September 2006